Desolate
by Kelly Greyer
Summary: The reasons behind an attempted suicide at Xavier's change the way a few members view the team and what they're really fighting for, specifically Rouge and Kitty. Follow them as they lose faith in the team and Xavier's dream. Promo vid on youtube.
1. Cold Shoulder

A/N: I'm on a publishing kick I guess. Not much to say, other than I don't own X-men only the character of Samantha. Please read and review.  
>Summary: The reasons behind an attempted suicide at Xavier's change the way a few members view the team and what they're really fighting for, specifically Rouge and Kitty. Not much from Samantha's POV please give it a shot and Please Read and Review.<p>

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><p>She knew they were right, she knew that she deserved what ever insult they decided to fling towards her. She knew she was useless, she knew she was flawed, and she had no idea how to change that. Samantha was in one of the rarely used bathrooms of the huge mansion, she sat in the bathtub, her sports bra and compression shorts still on, the water warm. She slouched in the tub at an angle that put her face, just past her lips, in the water. Her eyes were red from the crying that she had done earlier though tears were still now slipping out of her eyes.<p>

She felt alone, not only because the mansion was quiet and still, as it had been for hours, but because she felt as though she had nothing nor no one else to turn to. She didn't just feel alone in the bathroom, not just alone in the mansion, she felt alone in the world. Alone is what she had always been but today, today it finally sunk in. Today, Jean had finally had enough of the teen; Jean had finally turned her back on the teen.

Samantha sunk down into the red water that filled the tub; she closed her eyes and listened. Her half feral ears were good enough to hear the sounds of her friends on the lower levels of the school looking for her. Usually Jean was able to sense her somewhere in the mansion, but Samantha learned a long time ago how to use her own senses to numb Jean's mind to her presence.

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><p>They had all seen the way that Jean looked at her; they had all seen how it had hurt Samantha when she walked away. One simple look was all it took to break the normally strong and brave teenager down, it broke her down to the point that she couldn't hide her tears from her peers; they had started pouring down before she had even made it to her room to hide them. At that point everyone had decided that it was best not to bother her, to let her cry her tears and come around when she was ready.<p>

After years of living with her, they should have known that the 17 year old wouldn't just come around.

Kitty and Rouge were in the room with her, silent, when for the first time in 2 hours Samantha had moved. It was 12 o'clock at that point; she had spent two hours contemplating the word alone, what it meant to her, and what she didn't mean to them. She moved to her dresser, pulled something out of a box on top of it and slipped out of the room.

2 hours later they had decided to go and look for her.

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><p>Samantha poked her head above the now completely red water just enough to glance at the clock that hung on the wall just next to the mirror; they had been searching for almost 30 minutes now, convinced she was somewhere crying her eyes out, some where hurting. Samantha laid her head on the back of the tub and began to sink back into the water, this time not by choice, but because she no longer had the strength to hold herself up.<p>

"No one has found her yet?" Jean asked rubbing her forehead; she felt a migraine coming on as she talked to Kitty who only shook her head. "Why don't you girls go to bed, I'll find her."

"We can keep looking, we're not tired. But you seem like you should go to bed actually." Rouge said as she walked up behind Kitty.

"No." Jean waived her off as she walked away still rubbing her head. "Go to bed." She said, not really caring if they did or didn't. She had to much on her mind to worry about it, she knew she just really needed to find Samantha because she knew Samantha; how she was, how she thought. She knew how Samantha would take what happened.

It wasn't what she had said that would hurt her the most, it was the fact that she couldn't say anything. That she gave Samantha no sign that everything would be fine, even though when it came down to it, it would be. Jean was shocked into submission, speechless for the girl's actions, disappointed and aggravated at the same time. She had wanted to yell at the teenager, had begun to lose her temper and just scream but she only threw her hands in the air, rolled her eyes and walked away.

She knew Samantha knew that, that she felt that and it hurt her terribly. There aren't many things that would make Samantha cry, but Jean in that moment made sure that she had done one of the things that would. She turned her back on her, put off the feeling that she was giving up on the young girl, and the fact that Jean now realizes she did that makes her absolutely sick to her stomach.

The truth was that she wasn't really aggravated nor all that disappointed in Samantha. She was taking the frustration that had been building up for days out on Samantha, frustration that had absolutely nothing to do with Samantha; frustration that she should have known better than to bottle up.

Jean pushed the library door on the third floor open, a place that Samantha usually retreated to if only to think alone. However this time there was no sign of her and so Jean continued to search the last floor that she hadn't ravaged through in search of the young girl.

The next room was an unfinished game room that Scott and some of the other kids had been working on, once again there was no Samantha. Jean stopped and sighed in the dark hall, there was no light reaching it and so it was almost pitch black.

There was however one more door at the end of the hall, a bathroom that no one uses as there is usually no one on this side of the mansion. Jean pushed a stray red hair behind her ear as she walked sleepily to the door. Figuring she would have no luck here, she pushed the door open, it was dark of course and so she flipped the light switch on the wall with her index finger, she was instantly wide awake at what she saw.

"Oh my god!"

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><p>AN: So there you have it, the first chapter to this new story of mine. I hope you like it, tell me if you want it to continue and if so, I'll have another done in less then 2 weeks, hell if enough people review, less then a week! But I suppose we'll have to see. Kitty and Rouge soon to really be introduced. Please review.


	2. Emergency

A/N Yep so I had sooo many hits on chapter 1 of this story but like one review. That really sucks. So come on guys and girls, help me out, let me know what you want to see and what you think . If you hated it tell me, if you loved it tell me. Im just desperate to know.

So thats all I have to say about my reviews because those are what keeps the writing coming, so review if you want more. Anywho, I recently started my official college career at Mizzou and I've been feeling a little inspired to write, so here's the next chapter. Oh and after this chapter we really get into Rouge and Kitty if you're wondering.

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><p>Kitty and Rouge had continued to search anyway, they were still looking on the second floor when they heard the loud scream of Jean directly above them. They both looked up at the ceiling, as if they could see through it and then back down at each other with confusion and concern on their faces. Scott poked his head out of the door of he and Jean's room that Kitty and Rouge were standing next to. His red glasses seemed to glow in the dark and he didn't seem like the Scott they were use to seeing. The white v-neck shirt and red flannel pants made him seem more like the college student then the college professor.<p>

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><p>"Was that Jean?" He asked walking completely out." Kitty nodded as she answered.<p>

"I think so." Scott moved fast past them, at first walking and then speeding up to a run as he reached the stairs. Kitty and Rouge ran close behind them as he ran up the stairs two at a time, desperate to get to Jean and find out what had caused the loud scream. He stopped only for a second to look down the dark halls and turned to the right, running to the light from an open door.

"Jean?" He called as he ran; reaching the door before Kitty and Rouge he was horrified. He turned quickly to stop the two teens from looking into the room placing a hand on both of their shoulders pushing them back. "I want you both to go back to your room and stay there okay?"

"But what's..." Kitty began to question his motives as she was moved backwards but Scott cut her off.

"Kitty, Rouge, go back to your rooms and if you see anyone else tell them to go to their rooms and stay there until we tell them otherwise." Rouge looked towards the door, her concern only grew because she knew that Scott was serious, and the reasons why he had so quickly warned them to stay away and why they could hear Jean crying in the bathroom only frightened them. But they both hesitantly nodded in compliance and slowly backed away and then turned to head for the stairs. Scott waited until they began to descend to go back to a crying Jean.

"Ororo called an ambulance." Jean's voice cracked with every word spoken, she was still crying as she tried desperately to bring a rise and fall to Samantha's chest.

He looked at the scene before him; the bath water was red, but not just red, blood red. A pale soaking wet Samantha lay awkwardly sprawled out on the floor two long cuts followed the veins on each of her wrist and Jean was now trying her hardest with the materials she had to stop the bleeding and return breath to the young girl.

"They're here!" They heard footsteps rushing to the room along with Ororo shouting. Two paramedics made their way into the room, one pulling Jean up and away from the girl.

"We'll take it from here miss." Jean stumbled back still staring at the two men hovering over Samantha trying to save her life, not because they valued it as Jean so dearly did, but because it was their job.

Jean continued to move back and out of the bathroom until she backed into the wall in the hallway. She stopped, never breaking her sight of Samantha on the floor, dying. As the feeling sunk in she shut her eyes, clenched her fist, and gritted her teeth. She hit her head against the wall once, and then again, and then again. Ororo remained looking in on the paramedics but Scott turned and looked at her, if it were not for his glasses the hurt and concern on his face would have been painfully evident. He grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the wall and into his arms, one hand wrapped around her waist and the other on the back of her head. Jean buried her face into his shoulder, her closed fist on his chest as her cries became louder and more desperate.

"I didn't mean it!" She pushed out between shaky breaths and loud sobs. "I didn't mean it!" She repeated again into his chest. Jean blamed herself, if she could have remained mature about the situation, retained her composure instead of taking it out on the broken 17 year old than maybe she would be breathing right now.

If she died tonight, Jean would hold that with her, in belief that she caused her death, that in a way; she had murdered Samantha before her time.

"What?" Scott grabbed Jean by her shoulders and pulled her away, gently grabbed her face but forced her to look at him. "What are you saying?"

"This is my fault! She did this because of me Scott, it's my fault!" Jean's expression was that of pain as tears still poured rapidly down her cheeks like the blood that spilled from Samantha's wrist as she talked. "She's going to die and it's my fault! It's all my fault!"

"Stop it Jean, this isn't your fault, don't punish yourself. And she's not going to die okay, you'll get through this, she'll get through this." Scott looked at her as he spoke but turned his attention to the paramedics who now carried Samantha out on a backboard, he noticed the rise and fall of her chest and looked over at Ororo who nodded at him, still horrified. Scott nodded back as he spoke though his attention was on the bathroom. "It's not your fault."

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><p>Rouge, Kitty, and Tabitha now sat in their room, the only light they had was the light from the moon that their window let in, and silence was in the air as they wondered what had happened. They knew what ever it was involved Samantha, but what scared them the most is that they didn't know if she was okay. Kitty sat on her bed, her legs crossed Indian style, her elbows resting on her knees, her head in her hands, and her eyes closed.<p>

"I'm scared you guys." Kitty was the first to speak as she rubbed her brow, her eyes still closed. "I'm really scared." Her voice cracked the second time she spoke and she too had begun to cry. She looked up to the ceiling, trying to blink the tears away but to no avail so she closed her eyes and sat there. Tabitha and Rouge both at the same time made their way over to her bed to comfort their friend, who too had been under tremendous amounts of stress.

Everybody had been stressed, no one had been themselves these past couple of weeks and it was tearing the mansion apart everyday. No one could really truly help the other because they all needed help themselves. All they could do was at times when the rest of the city was asleep was stay up. Stay up staring at the blank ceilings as they laid in each others arms, not trying to go to sleep, but trying to believe that they weren't alone.

Once again the silence that had fallen over them was broken with a knock at the door. They all looked up, only half way hoping that it was Samantha attempting to come in, but in the logical parts of their minds they knew that it was not her.

"Come in." Tabitha called out. The knob turned and the door slowly opened up, the dark hall let no light into the room as Ororo stepped in. Her stance nor her expression gave them any sign that they were worried for nothing; no sign that everything would be alright.

"Listen girls…" Ororo started off, her glance slipping to the floor below her. Silent tears once more slipped from Kitty's eyes as she knew somewhat of how this conversation would go, and so squeezed Rouge's hand tight and buried her face into Tabitha's shoulder.

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><p>AN: So there you guys go, I know is kind of short but Im trying to get you guys excited and reviewing for the next chapter. Special thanks to ArinaSugerBaby for being the first (and only-_-) person to review chapter 1. Hopefully that'll change. Also in your reviews if you want to throw in a what I would like to see happen next is...with your review I just might take that into consideration. Until then, this is all you get. Tune in for the next chapter maybe sometime next week? If people review that is.


	3. Half past the point of no return

A/N: Really short chapter here I'll explain it at the end of it. Please read and if you care, review. once again, shout out tooooo...RougeLover321 and Falling Towards Nothing. Thanks for the support by reviewing.

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><p>Jean sped down the road in the foreign blue and white sports car, the fastest car she owned to get her to the hospital as quick as possible. She had somehow convinced Scott to let her go on her own, though he was worried if she would be able to make it there.<p>

Her grip on the steering wheel was tight as she drove; her knuckles were white as all the blood rushed to the palms of her hands. Jean was still frustrated as she drove, her eyes were on the road but she wasn't truly paying attention as she sped through a stop sign and almost crashed into the passenger side of another vehicle. Slamming on the breaks she came to a stop just before touching the other car. The driver continued, obviously not thinking at was that big of a deal since the two cars did not make contact and so Jean continued on; still not bothering to check her speed.

She arrived shortly after to the hospital, parking at the first spot and then rushing, pushing past people to get to the front desk.

"I'm looking for a patient, she was just brought in." Jean said leaning over the desk, desperation in her voice. The lady at the desk was no older than Jean, her name tag read Charlie and she seemed apathetic about the whole situation, she could care less who came in and who left, if they lived or died.

"Name please." She stated looking at her computer screen.

"First name Samantha."

"Last name?" Jean stopped and looked at the lady, the world seemed to pause once more and tears burned at her eyelids again. "I…" Her voice trailed off as she actually realized for the first time that Samantha had no last name, that she didn't know what it was. The lady, Charlie, seemed to realize this from her.

"Can you give me a description of her, why she was picked up?"

"Um, she's 17 long black hair, green eyes…she umm, suicide attempt…" Jean closed her eyes and tilted her head to the ceiling and took a slow breath, she wasn't going to break down now.

"That's enough, 17 year old Jane Doe brought in for suicide attempt. This doctor here actually." Charlie pointed over the desk as she spoke. "Mark!" She yelled to a doctor who stood by another door looking at some papers, he looked up at the sound of his name being called and came towards the desk when Charlie called him over. "He had her, he'll be able to help you." Charlie went back to typing on her computer.

"Thank you." Jean said quickly as she turned to address the doctor. "17 year old Jane Doe brought in for a suicide attempt." Jean said once more, still trying to shake the idea of Samantha under water bleeding out of her head.

"Oh yes, I was beginning think we had another teenager without a face here. I'm glad you came, are you related?" The doctor led Jean down the hall.

"Yes." Jean said without hesitation, she had always considered the teenager her daughter, even though she had refused once already her offer of adoption.

"Well she had lost quite a bit of blood, and had water in her lungs. Honestly we weren't sure if she would make it." The doctor stopped walking near the end of the hall and Jean dropped her head, rubbing her eyes once more. "But she came through." He stated and walked to a door, opening it Jean saw Samantha laying in the hospital bed. Her eyes were closed, an IV in her arm returning the blood back to her body, both her wrist were bandaged. Machines that she was hooked up to told them that her heartbeat was there and it was steady, normal, Samantha looked peaceful. "You can stay with her if you'd like, but we're going to keep her for a few days, just to monitor her."

"Thank you so much." Jean seemed grateful to everyone as she stared at the teen, moving past the doctor and into the room he started to close the door, but stopped and called to her.

"Oh, there's something else I think you should know." Jean turned around meeting her crying eyes with his. "I'm not sure at all what she was going through. But whatever it was, she was trying very hard to end her life. There was also a dangerous mix; in an enormous amount might I add, of prescription drugs in her system. Anyone else would have overdosed before they even had the chance to die from the bleeding, and that's something to say because the cuts were deeper than most of these kinds of patients would ever dare go. You're both very lucky that she's still alive." With that the doctor closed the door.

Tears were moving down Jean's cheeks as she turned back around to look at Samantha. She pulled a chair up to the side of her bed and took a seat. Jean moved a stray black hair out of her face and just looked at her. Grabbing her hand Jean wished to see the eyes that resembled her own, hated the fact that because of her own actions she came seconds away from never seeing them again. She put her head on the side of the bed, still holding her hand and began to cry again.

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><p>AN: Ok sooo like i know its really short but I look at it this way; No one was even suppose to get this chapter because the next part was suppose to be kitty and Rouge, and 2: I put it up here really early because next part wasn't due until some time next week. So this is like a teaser I guess. Next chapter again will still be here in a few days so I decided to entertain you with this little snippet.

I'd beg you to review, but we all know you don't anyway *sigh*


	4. Tell Me That You're Going To Save Me

A/N: First off go here .com/watch?v=LUiOZBZJg9s the part before '.com' should say youtube. won't let me put that IDK why but just type that in when u try to go there its the Official promo, just felt like doing that for no reason.

I obviously was pretty excited about this chapter and instead of putting it up like on Thursday of next week or something I decided to give it to you now. Please don't disappoint me and have me hopes wasted, go ahead and review ladies and gents! (And everything in between hehehe) But I will say if not enough reviews you may have to wait at least 2weeks for the next chapter lol

Okay anyway, here is the non-bs not super short chapter of Desolate, I hope you like it because I kinda feel like I poured my head and heart into it. Once again shout out to the previous reviews and one new one of...DeathStryke14 I read all of your reviews, I like them, I appreciate them. So please, review more. Tell your friends, tell your fave authors, tell the world, that Kelly Greyer got her groove back.

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><p>Kitty laid in her bed, her back facing the door so that no one would know she was awake. Looking at the clock on her nightstand it read 1:26pm. She hadn't gotten much sleep at night and at first decided to just sleep in, but then decided she just didn't want to deal with the world today.<p>

She had been contemplating all day the reality of what happened with Samantha, the reality that she and her fellow X-men, no not X-men, mutants lived in everyday. Thinking it was a world in which the people who were the closes to you could alienate you in a flash, and everyone else could hate you without even knowing who you really were.

And if that was true, Kitty wondered if it was true that everyone was alone.

Not just by themselves, but alone, truly alone where in the end the only person you could count on was yourself, if even that. Kitty also wondered if that was a world that she was ever going to be ready and willing to face.

"Kitty?" Rouge pushed the door to their shared room open and stepped in, closing it behind her. Waiting a few moments for Kitty to respond Rouge sat on the edge of the closes bed to the door; Samantha's bed. She reached down and touched the sheets, gently rubbing her hand over the smooth black fabric that was missing its owner at this moment in time. Rouge sighed but returned her attention back to Kitty, but was of course only met by her back.

"Kitty I know you're awake." Rouge tried again, despite the silence in the room and Kitty's lack of movement, she knew that she was awake, because a person like Kitty could never sleep if she or another person around her was suffering.

And currently, she and _everyone_ around her was suffering.

Rouge always felt like Kitty had a complex.

A complex developed from being one of the younger members of the X-men, from seeing all of the bad in the world and attempting to make some good of it. From pretending all the time, that everything was okay.

They were always told to be strong, by Professor x, Dr. Grey, Ms. Monroe...everyone. And to Kitty, that meant never showing them the tears in your eyes...the hurt in your heart.

But how, as a 15 year old girl, a 15 year old kid, are you suppose to look at the lifeless faces of kids your age and not shed a single tear?

How do you look at the blood covered hands of the people that took the lives of those kids and not physically feel your heart break, and let your face contort in pain as you clutch your chest and fall to your knees, gasping for breath because the pressure is to much for you?

Rouge didn't know the answer to that question, but Kitty did. And now as a 17 year old member of the X-men she still keeps the answer to herself. Keeps it a secret because she feels that she has to...

Because those dead kids are counting on her to not show them anymore pain.

Because Jean, Scott, Ororo, and Logan had seen enough faces of dead kids, and do not need to see the face of Kitty dying before them.

Because to be the youngest, is to be the weakest and that is something that Kitty isn't ready to become, and so she dare not show a glimpse of fear, or anguish, or heartbreak for if she does she has let the world down.

"I'm okay." Kitty finally answered, deciding that Rouge wouldn't go away until she gave her some sort of an answer.

"No you're not." Kitty didn't respond, she only pulled her blankets over her head. All she wanted was for Rouge to know that she wanted to be alone, but realize that she needed them, needed to be around her and just needed to be a kid for one more night, because to be who she normally was, was getting unbearably difficult at each passing moment. "I get it you know...I do..."

Kitty looked up at the nightstand once more. Her eyes become glossed over with tears, and if she were to speak, her voice would resemble something broken and child like. So she would rather not speak because she was too fragile in her despair.

"You know we're all here Kitty." Rouge stood from her place on Samantha's bed and slowly stepped away as if it were sacred place that she had disturbed and a single movement more would cause it to collapse and be destroyed.

"I can't tell you really that everything is going to be okay Kitty, because I don't really know that. If you want some security ask Ms. Monroe what the weather will be like today because I can't promise you those things. But what i can promise, at the very least, is me. That at the end of the day I'll stop you from jumping off a cliff if it means I'll go instead..." Rouge paused, her expression turned into one of somewhat confusion.

She wasn't exactly sure what compelled her to say that to Kitty. She felt like those were words that she wanted to say, just not the person she wanted to say it to. She shook her head and reached for the door and pulled it open.

For a split second she seemed to be staring into a third floor bathroom covered in blood, in compassion that leaked out the wrong way. She blinked and shook the visual away..."Or whatever.." Rouge offered to Kitty right before exiting into the hall way and closing the door behind her.

Kitty turned over and stared at the door as Rouge left, the silence rushed back into her ears and she closed her eyes. Rolling over on her back she thought about what Rouge had said, that she would stop her from going off of a cliff...even if it meant she would fall too. Samantha fell off a cliff...no one stopped her, infact she was pushed.

But it seems as though Kitty still fell with her.

Like her worst nightmare coming together, she was falling. Falling through the hands of her friends, through the better judgement of the X-men, falling past everything and unable to stop herself. And when someone would finally catch up to her, and reach out to grasp her hand and pull her to safety...right when she could practically feel the friction ridges on the tip of that person's finger that created their own personal identity, their hand would simply pass through hers and she would fall into the darkness below her. "To a place so far down you have to look up to see the bottom."

That feeling scared Kitty beyond any point of courage she ever thought she had reached, and it was something she just could not deal with.

Kitty wondered if Samantha had felt somewhat like that, what Samantha felt at all. What is was that she was thinking about when she dug a razor into her arm and peeled back her skin for the rest of the world to view her veins; and judge them.

If she expected to die and when she opened her eyes and discovered that she was still alive, what she would think then?

Kitty would have give anything in that moment of Samantha's weakness to trade places with Jean and discover the inner depths of Samantha's mind, but imagined that Jean's mind would be too clouded with her own turmoil to care. Had she had the ability to trade places with Jean, she would not be wondering of what Samantha was thinking or what she felt when she attempted to take her own life, because it wouldn't have happened.

Learning from their own lessons was not a dominant trait of the leaders of the X-men. But their loyal followers; Rouge, Tabitha, Bobby, John, Jamie, Sam, Amara, Rahyne, all of them learned perfectly..and quickly because they knew it was more than a lesson, it was a test, and they would be looked down upon had they not taken it all in.

And if in that one moment Kitty could have become Jean...she would have known better...she would have done better.

When she and Samantha first met, Kitty asked her if she had any friends. She responded with no and Kitty asked why. Samantha went on to tell her that she didn't want friends, because they always end up leaving you in the end. Later on in their developing friendship, Samantha told her that she held things in. Not because she didn't know how to talk about them, but because she would rather not talk about things like her life with the people that lived in this school because no one would ever understand. Because, she said, when you understand you can't just tell someone that everything would be okay, because most of the time it wouldn't be. And yet everyday she heard the phrase, it'll be okay.

Kitty wondered if that's why she didn't talk to any of them last night, wondered if she let what she was thinking build up in her head until it drove her to attempting to take her life. She pulled the covers up over her head and turned her face into her pillow. She missed Samantha, missed who she and all of her friends use to be, missed the world that she use to see before she was old enough to understand things like murder and betrayal, missed the feeling of having her life together, missed the feeling of being certain, and hated the feeling of being alone.

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><p>AN: And there you have it folks the end of this story! Lol just kidding just the end of chapter 4. More to come. I feel like I wrote a pretty good amount here and if I may be so bold and say I think that deserves at least 10 reviews, seriously lol. Please tell me what you think. I sat in one booth from 10:00am until now which is (10:56pm) and I think that is some sort of dedication to you people.


	5. The Cold Rain of The Coming Storm

A/N: This is my favorite chapter. Hopefully you'll like it...but even if you do I guess I wouldn't know, but you know what, I'm not bitter about it anymore (shout-out to the OTH fandom)

Umm yeah nothing else to say then.

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><p>"Where's Kitty?" Ororo asked as she walked into the kitchen, it was almost 5o'clock and she hadn't seen the teen all day, in fact, she hadn't seen her since last night. Rouge, Bobby, and Kurt were sitting at the kitchen table, watching the news as they ate chips.<p>

"She's been in her bed all day, _all_ day. She hasn't gotten up for anything or anyone. She's devastated, she's just been lying around." Rouge said in a dry voice, she often pretended as though most things didn't faze her, as if she didn't care just to keep from feeling to much, from hurting too much.

"Has anyone tried talking to her?"

"Yeah, I mean, at first I was just going to leave her alone, let her lay there but...we all see how well that worked out for Samantha." Rouge grabbed a chip and put it in her mouth, saying that last part as she chewed. "A lesson Dr. Grey was ever so graceful in teaching." Ororo instantly knew Rouge blamed Jean for the current state of her friend. Blamed Jean for bringing out the feeling from Samantha that told her her life was no longer worth living, that nobody needed her because someone who represented a mother had easily turned her back on her. How does a child go on knowing that her mother had at once been so willing to abandon her?

"Rouge…" Ororo started, her head cocked, ready and willing to tell her that that's not fair but Rouge quickly cut her off as she stood from her chair.

"I'm going for a walk, feel free to take on Jean's policy and let me be alone." Rouge exited through the kitchen door into the back as she zipped up her hoodie.

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><p>Samantha slowly opened her eyes, adjusting to the light that she was hit with for the first time in what felt like forever. Looking around, not moving her head just her eyes, she saw panels, ceiling panels. As her ears came to, she heard beeping and low chatter behind the walls.<p>

She always imagined hell to be a darker place, she became fascinated with the idea that it wasn't. Though since she was seven she had given up the belief in a god and a heaven or hell, she still always imagined herself going to this fiery red horrible place when she died. Figuring that if all of those things really did exist, she would definitely be going to some what of a hell, a hell that was way worse than the state she found herself in everyday.

But as everything kicked back in she realized that she wasn't in hell, and she wasn't even dead, she was in a hospital, and the only thing red and fiery in the room was the sleeping telepath by her side.

Samantha looked at Jean as she slept, not being able to see her face as her red hair was splashed around her head, though she realized the reason she couldn't feel her hand was because Jean was holding it so tightly, even as she slept.

Samantha didn't know how to feel, didn't know if she should be upset or relieved. Upset that Jean was even there by her bedside as if she wasn't the ultimate reason that she was in this place. Upset because now Jean seemed like she cared but was easily able to turn her back on her. Or relieved because Jean did care, and she was there, and that was all she needed. Samantha was confused and on the verge of picking one of these emotions if not both. Pulling her hand out of Jean's grip the sleeping telepath began to stir.

Samantha looked at Jean as her head came up, looking in front of her she took her hand and pushed all her hair out of her face and turned to face Samantha.

"Sammy?" Jean was already on the verge of tears again, and Samantha could tell she had been a lot. Her eyes were red and extremely puffy as well as her nose, Jean always said being a crying red head ruined your complexion. "You're awake." Jean said as she moved her position from sitting in the chair to sitting on the edge of Samantha's bed.

Samantha closed her eyes and took a breath before looking at Jean again with uncertainty in her eyes.

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><p>Rouge stood at the end of the dock of the lake in the back of the mansion, she had her hood on as she stared into the water, moving her fingers around in her pockets, playing with the rocks that were there. Pulling one out she skipped it across the water, it skipped twice before sinking into the water, creating a ripple as it did. "Ripples." She said aloud as she tossed another rock.<p>

"So I hear you're pretty upset." Rouge turned at the sound of the older man's voice, as he walked onto the dock and stood beside her.

"Don't I have a reason to be?" Rouge said dryly throwing another rock, it however didn't skip and just splashed down into the water.

"Ororo said it's Jean you're angry with though." Scott looked at her though she kept her face to the water, he zipped his jacket up and put his hands in his pockets as well, it was a rather cold summer day.

"And?"

"You know," Scott started as he pulled his hand out of his pocket and held it out for a rock. "I don't think you have reason to be, or at least should be rather." Rouge handed him a smooth pebble and he examined it in his hand before skipping it in the water, it went farther than Rouge's had.

"Of course you don't Mr. Summers, of course you don't." Rouge sighed as she stared at the ripples that the rocks created, growing bigger and then disappearing.

"And what's that suppose to mean?" Rouge finally looked at him with a slightly annoyed look on her face.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course." Scott shrugged.

"And can you just be honest with me?" Rouge looked up into his ruby quartz shades and he silently nodded. "If Samantha died, today, right now….would you feel anything for her?" Rouge studied him as he turned his head back to the water.

"Come on Rouge, I understand that I'm not her biggest fan but I wouldn't wish death upon her." Scott rubbed his hand over his face as he thought.

"That's not what I'm asking. If she never walked back into this mansion, would you care?" Rouge now turned her body to fully face him as he went silent, thinking about his answer, thinking if the answer that would probably come out of his mouth would be true, and if it would make him cold-hearted.

"I uh…I guess not." Scott dropped his head a little, somewhat ashamed that he could honestly say that about anyone, a teenager none the less.

"Which is why you could never understand how I feel. You're defending Jean simply because it's what you do, you love her. Not because you think I'm wrong, not because you feel any particular way about the situation...because you don't." Rouge was unmoved by Scott's answer as she turned back to the lake, she knew it was the truth, if she would have any surprise it would only come from the fact that he actually admitted it out loud.

"Regardless of how I may feel or may not feel people still make mistakes, Jean made a mistake and she realizes that and she's terribly sorry for the mistake she made. Can we honestly say that a mistake she made was what really caused Samantha's actions? Honestly I think that assumption is silly, I mean Samantha…" Rouge spun back around once more in anger.

"Stop it! Don't you dare finish that sentence!" She yelled in anger.

"Rouge…" Scott tried to calm the teen with a soothing tone, it didn't work.

"Are you not the one always telling us that responsibility is important for us? That we should and will be held accountable for every action we make because not only are we mutants but we are X-men? It's you Mr. Summers that said we must always be conscious of the decisions we make because they affect more than just ourselves, that our decisions create ripples!" Rouge yelled as she pulled a handful of rocks out of her pocket and flung them into the water, pointing at the ripples, which were larger than the rocks, formed. "So how is it silly, how is anything on this level silly? People do make mistakes and mistakes have consequences, every cause has an effect and that's why Samantha is where she is now! Jean made a huge mistake, took whatever she was feeling out on Samantha, forgot that her decisions affect the people around her and that's why I'm angry! That's why I blame her and don't you dare tell me that I don't have reason to be and damn you for defending her!"

Rouge turned on her heels still fuming. Even more upset that Scott had the nerve to say something against Samantha. That he could stand there and so coldly shrug off her existence and what she meant to this house. If Samantha died, she and the other students would never be the same but to him it would be.

Rouge suddenly knew that what they were fighting for, what they stood for as X-men would never be accomplished. Not when the leaders of the X-men can be so cold hearted and so heartless all together.

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><p>AN: Have to work on the next chapter. Not sure where I want to take t honestly, if you guys have any suggestions I'd be happy to hear(read) them.


	6. Please Don't Cry, You Liar

A/N: So I know this took forever to get out but it's something right? Please read and review. '_These are thoughts' _

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><p>Rouge made her way up to her room, she was angry, pissed.<p>

"Get up!" Rouge slammed the door shut with both hands as she addressed Kitty who was still balled up under her covers.

"No." Was all Kitty offered her. Rouge walked farther into the room, bringing her closed fist up to her eyes as she began to pace back and forth, trying to fight back the tears that were burning at her eyelids.

She wasn't sad, she was pissed and frustrated and there was nothing that could happen to change that.

She slammed the palm of her hand onto the side of the tall wooden bookshelf that sat in the farthest corner of their room. At the sudden attack a few books had fallen out and landed open on the floor.

"GET UP!" Rouge yelled again as she angrily approached Kitty's bed. She grabbed onto her red blanket and pulled it back. Kitty tried holding on to it but Rouge's grasp was stronger and she threw the heavy blanket to the ground. "Move!" Rouge began to reach for Kitty but she swung back at her, knocking her hands away.

"Rouge quit it!" Kitty yelled as she fought back trying to ward off this unwarranted attack. "Leave me alone!" Rouge had grabbed a hold of Kitty's right leg and started to drag her out of the bed.

Her eyes clouded with tears, her judgment clouded with anger.

Kitty kicked her feet out only wanting Rouge to let go, wondering why she had suddenly become so angry and why her anger was being directed towards her. She hadn't felt like she deserved it, she didn't know what was wrong with her friend, and at this moment she didn't really care to find out.

Rouge gave a grunt when Kitty's left leg connected with her ribs and for some reason it made her anger grow, and tightening her grip with the intentions of hurting her friend, she mustered all of her strength to violently pull her friend out of her bed. Kitty came into contact with the nightstand that rested by her bed before she hit the floor and as she came to a rest beside it holding her head she began to cry.

She cried like a small child being tormented by older peers who would not leave her alone, whose actions left her broken and sobbing on the floor because she just couldn't understand what she had done to make them so angry.

"Stop it!" Rouge screamed at Kitty from her place above her. She fell to her hands and knees, digging her gloved fingers into the plush grey carpet and bending them back into fist. She met her forehead to the carpet and felt the tears slip from their holding stations. "Kitty stop it!" Anger seemed to be retreating from her voice and replaced by desperateness.

'_How could they let this happen?'_ Rouge thought to herself. _'How could they act like this, to their students and then preach unity to everyone else. How could they protect cities of people who had no idea who they were, and abandon the ones who needed them the most?' "_Please stop it."

Kitty's sobs flooded Rouge's ears and while she had sentenced herself to her bed earlier because of them, she was crying now because of Rouge. All Rouge wanted was for Kitty to not care, to not sit there and cry or try to be something for them. Because what the hell did they care? They didn't, and she didn't want Kitty to give them her energy because they didn't deserve it. Rouge sat up on her heels and looked at Kitty balled up in the corner her teeth gritted her hands covering most of her face, shaking her head she saw her loss of control affecting Kitty, almost the way Jean's had affected Samantha.

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><p>"I lost my head." Jean started looking at the floor as if she were searching for the next words she would say. "I wasn't thinking and I was taking my anger out on you. I know I hurt you Samantha, and you have to believe me, you have to trust me when I say I love you and I am so sorry." Jean held Samantha's hands as she talked; looking for the younger girl to say something though she did not. "Samantha, please talk to me…." Samantha met Jean's green eyes with her own, staring at them, searching for the fire that was usually behind them, as if it was the torch that would warm her heart that was freezing cold.<p>

"I….I'm not sure if I'm I sorry that I did it….or if I'm sorry that it didn't work." Samantha's voice came out low, barely above a whisper, in such a tone that was foreign to both herself and Jean.

"Samantha I need you to see what I see. I need you to realize how strong and beautiful you are. How much you mean to that entire mansion, how many people love you and are there for you and are probably worrying themselves sick right now because of you. And I need you to realize that no matter what happens, you're life is too special and too meaningful for it to ever be taken. I know things went to far yesterday but I cannot deal with you gone, without looking into your eyes everyday. And even so, I don't want you to live for me or Rouge or Kitty or the X-men, live for yourself, you have to. So don't you ever think about doing this again." Jean gave Samantha a small smile as she let go of Samantha's left hand for a second to wipe tears from her eyes.

Grabbing her hands again she turned her bandaged wrist over, placing a kiss on her right wrist, a kiss on her left wrist and a kiss on her forehead.

"I love you Samantha, so much."

"I'm not sure if that is ever going to be enough Jean…"

"Samantha please…"

"No…" Samantha's eyes searched the hospital room around her as she gathered her thoughts. Jean loved her now, she was sorry now, but does that really erase what happened? Does that negate the fact that Samantha is here, does that excuse them both for the mistakes that they've made and the messes that they have created?

"You tell me that I should want more for my life but I just can't want more. I don't know anything more. I don't know love, I don't know warmth, I don't know compassion, I don't know family, I don't know home. So why am I here?"

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><p>"I understand Rouge, that this must be very difficult for you." Rouge sat in Professor Xavier's office staring out of the window as he talked to her with that solemn and semi-caring face that he had perfected. Rouge was stoic in her expression and position, just as she was use to being. "I do know what it is that Samantha means to you Rouge, and Kitty as well. And I understand that you doubt what it is that Samantha means to everyone here." Xavier paused; honestly, he wasn't sure what to say to Rouge and was hoping her responses would give him some insight as to what he could say to help her.<p>

Rouge remained silent though, her head turned away from him, she didn't want to have this conversation with him and she figured the quieter she was the sooner it was that he realized that and would let her leave. The professor sighed silently and sat back into his wheel chair. "Rouge I agree with you….the…character, that Jean displayed was not that of what is expected of her. Nor do I believe that it is one that will be or has been displayed to you or any of the other students often. I can not say, no matter how rare the occurrence, it will never happen. Weather with Jean or anyone else, perfection can not be expected."

"You can expect easily that mutants and humans will exist peacefully together….. but we can't expect Jean to not take her anger out on Samantha…right." Rouge rolled her eyes. The professor studied Rouge for a moment, though she tried to remain calm and distant from the situation, he knew of the turmoil that she felt inside.

"I know that what you are searching for, what you are feeling goes beyond that night Rouge. I can offer you words, but…well they are just words aren't they Rouge?" Charles looked at Rouge playing with her fingers, staring out of the window fighting hard to ignore him and at the same time make some sense of the words that threw at her. "Your choices in these next few days Rouge, will mean more than you know. And I hope that you do not choose to lose faith because it will be your choice."

"You speak in circles professor. You _always_ speak in circles. You try so hard to…structure your sentences and perfect your tone and…I just don't see why you do it. Look at what we've done…..look at the nothing that we have done…and tell me what's the point…"

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><p>AN: I need to find a way to end this. I've got another story I think I want to upload and that's actually finished sooo...  
>Please read and review<p> 


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